Relationship CVs

Hey there, sorry it’s been a while, I did mean to be updating this thing every other day, but let’s just say that banks and a minor bout of self pity got in the way! But I’m back now, with all the best intentions.

Two recent conversations with friends have prompted today’s blog thought...

The first conversation was over Frankie and Benny’s a few weeks ago with a group of friends. We were talking about a recent ‘small world’ moment that I had had, where I discovered that a jerk I recently dated had also dated a friend of a friend, and treated her in a similarly appalling manner (which is, in itself, another story). If only, we said, I had talked to this other girl before I had gotten involved with the guy, temporary misery might have been avoided. We decided that the idea of dating references might be, theoretically, a wonderful idea, and that any potential future mates should provide them before so much as a cup of coffee is to be had in their company.

I know what I would write for my exes. Most of what I said would be complimentary or indifferent – except of course, for the above jerk’s – with a few simple points of annoyance highlighted. Certain boys might rate more highly than others, but overall I don’t think anyone would be ashamed to ask me to be their referee. In fact, I kept myself amused one whole dish-washing session by composing said references in my head – just ask if you’re interested, guys!

Overall, my friends and I decided that dating references would be a good thing, and would probably save us all a lot of time, money and hassle.

But then we got to thinking – what would our exes say about us? Especially the ones that we broke up with, rather than the other way round... What feelings might come to the surface; what things would we learn that we perhaps could have lived without discovering? Would they agree with our fragile ‘looking-back’ analysis of the relationship, or have a completely different take on the entire affair? Again, I like to think I know what most of them would say, and that, for the most part, it would be good, but if I have learned anything about human beings it’s that we’re a complex bunch, who all see things differently. Suddenly the idea of a dating referee system didn’t seem so wonderful after all.

But the second conversation, had just a few days ago with someone (who finally texted me back), raised the issue once again. It prompted me to wonder if maybe we shouldn’t all just have dating CVs which we hand out on the second date. Previous boyfriends, experiences and skills gained, reasons for leaving etc; if everyone told the truth it would probably give you a very accurate sketch of their character, and a few heartaches could hopefully be avoided if you were wise.

Now, the reason we were having this conversation – aside from the fact that, well, he asked – was partly due to the nature of the modern dating scene. I have friends whose ‘tallies’ range from 1 to 30, and numbers 2 to 31 will most likely be morbidly curious to know who was there before them, and if they left anything, emotional or otherwise, behind. There’s also the issue of moving in certain social circles, and the potential awkward revelation that they know someone you dated previously – or worse! This is where the ‘CV’ comes in.

Over the course of this conversation, I found myself listing and describing my (ahem) partners in ‘100 words or less’, as it were. It was like that scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral, where Andie McDowell is making Hugh Grant’s character choke on his coffee as she rattles off a list of her conquests. Granted, mine is nowhere like hers in length or diversity, but there it was in black and white; numbers, names, details, former partners, boyfriends and mistakes.

It was entertaining, as an exercise, and interesting, to say the least, as a conversation. Think about it. What would your dating CV reveal? If you had to give a reference for a former partner, or even a friend, what would you say? What would people write about you? For me, just thinking of it in such terms means I can identify my mistakes and learn from them. That said, it’ll probably be a long time before my personal CV reaches more than a page in length!

Which is more than can be said for this blog entry... I shall leave you there readers, and hopefully be back soon with more interesting topics of contemplation!