Thank goodness for swine flu

OR: How media hype and paranoia may have gotten me a job in a recession

I was woken up this morning by my phone ringing. I went through the usual thought process of “hmm, something’s making noise – oh, it’s my phone – my phone! [fumble, grab] – hmm, not a number I recognise, never mind – ooh, wait, job-hunt, crap”, and answered with what I hoped was a very professional sounding “Hello”, but which probably came out more as an “ungh?”. A charming lady on the other end asked if she was speaking to a Miss Laura Wilson... How should I know, it’s nine am and you woke me up!

Anyways, by the time I was fully awake some moments later, I realised that I was actually midway through a phone interview for a job with the telephone listening company (who, by the way, have had my CV since sometime in March or so...). I hung up having arranged a proper interview for tomorrow, where I’ll hopefully be much more eloquent and awake, and a huge ironic smile on my face. That’s because my specific job, so they tell me, will be manning the new dedicated NHS Swine Flu Helpline. That’s right, I will be the calming voice on the other end of the line trying to convince you that the slight cough you’ve picked up is really nothing more than that.

So, thank goodness for swine flu? Or rather, should I say, thank goodness for hypochondriacs and mass media hype. If it wasn’t for the combination of the two over, what is, let’s face it, little more than a cold, I might not have been offered a job this summer – and I’ll be really honest, I needed one, both for the salary and to cure what was looking to become a very bad bout of intense boredom.

Now, I have no pretentions that this won’t be the dullest job in history. But at least it is a job, which will get me out of the house and associating with the big wide world. I would argue there’ll be some entertaining moments, and anything can always be considered fodder for “that novel I’ve been working on”. And I only have to commit to it for four weeks minimum, so I can always cut and run if it gets dire. Can’t wait to report back to Trudy Barber on this one...

Wish me luck tomorrow; I’m off to bone up on my swine flu facts! :P